About Sandy
Sandra "Sandy" Bottoms is a former HOA president from Wellesley, Massachusetts, who brings that same organizational energy to every beach visit. She summers on Nantucket and considers beach etiquette enforcement a civic duty.
Sandy has created a laminated card of "Beach Guidelines" that she keeps in her beach bag at all times. The card includes acceptable umbrella spacing (8 feet minimum), appropriate music volume levels (conversations only), and proper seaweed disposal protocols. She positions her beach chair strategically to monitor maximum shoreline.
What She Stands For
Here's the thing about Sandy: she genuinely means well. She truly believes that if everyone just followed a few simple rules, the beach would be more enjoyable for everyone. She's not wrong, exactly. She just... can't help herself.
Sandy's columns are for anyone who's ever been annoyed by the family blasting music at full volume, or had their peaceful beach day disrupted by someone shaking sand directly onto their blanket. She gives voice to the exasperated sighs and the "can you believe this?" glances exchanged between strangers. Her rules may seem fussy, but buried within them is a genuine desire for everyone to coexist peacefully on the sand.
Sandy's Beach Guidelines (Abridged)
- Umbrellas: 8 feet apart minimum, angled away from neighbors
- Music: If your neighbor can identify the song, it's too loud
- Towels: Your territory extends 3 feet beyond your towel edge
- Sand: Shake towels downwind, never toward other beachgoers
- Departure: Leave no trace (she checks)
From Her Columns
"I don't want to be 'that person,' but if I have to listen to one more Bluetooth speaker playing music that I can only describe as 'aggressive,' I may need to have a conversation."
"Some people—and I'm not naming names—seem to believe that the beach is a lawless frontier where umbrella spacing is merely 'suggested.'"
"I'm sure they didn't MEAN to shake their towel directly into my face, but intent doesn't remove sand from my sunscreen."
