A Practical Guide to Nantucket's Beaches: Reading the Parking Lot

I read Sloane Carmichael-Worthington's "Spiritual Guide to Nantucket's Beaches" three times. The first time to understand it. The second time to make sure I understood it. The third time to confirm that yes, someone really wrote that Surfside Beach corresponds to the "root chakra" and that I wasn't having a stroke.

I wasn't. She really wrote that.

Now look. I've lived on this island for 67 years. My family's been here since 1821. I've been to every beach on this island in every kind of weather, at every time of day, in every decade since Eisenhower. And I have never once—not ONCE—considered which of my chakras was being activated by the sand.

You know what I consider? Whether there's parking.

So in the interest of providing actually useful information, here is my response to Miss Carmichael-Worthington's guide. Same beaches. Different criteria.

The Beaches, Revised

Madaket Beach
Sloane says: Solar Plexus Chakra. Fire element. Best for "endings and ego work."

Dotty says: Best for sunsets. That's it. That's the reason to go to Madaket. The sun sets over the water, which doesn't happen on the south shore because that's not how geography works. It's not mystical. It's planetary rotation.

Also best for: avoiding crowds, because it's far from town and tourists are lazy. Worst for: forgetting sunscreen, because that western exposure will cook you like a lobster. The "fire element" is just sunburn.

Miss Carmichael-Worthington says she does "Shadow Work" here and buries things in the sand. I saw her do this once. She was burying what looked like a piece of paper. Then she dug it up after dark "because littering is wrong." So she... buried something... then unburied it... for spiritual purposes. I went home and had a glass of wine.

Sconset Beach
Sloane says: Heart Chakra. Air element. Best for "new beginnings and creative opening."

Dotty says: Best for people who are staying in Sconset and don't want to drive anywhere. That's the real reason people go to Sconset Beach. Convenience. It's a nice beach! Pretty village, good for a walk, that little market nearby. Not because it has special "morning frequency."

Sloane says she leads her $350 workshops here at sunrise because the energy is "unlike anywhere else on the Eastern Seaboard." I've seen her groups. They're sitting on the sand with their eyes closed while she hits a bowl with a stick. In my day we called that "making noise too early in the morning." The Pattersons, who've lived on that bluff since 1952, have complained twice.

The sunrise is nice, though. I'll give her that. But it's also nice at every other east-facing beach on the planet. That's how sunrise works.

Surfside Beach
Sloane says: Root Chakra. Earth element. "Most yang beach on the island."

Dotty says: Most crowded beach on the island, is what it is. Easy to get to, big parking lot, bus goes there. That's why it's popular. Not because of yang. Whatever yang is. I looked it up and it has something to do with Chinese philosophy, which I respect, but I don't think the Chinese philosophers were thinking about Surfside specifically.

Sloane says the "energy gets cluttered with too many conflicting frequencies" by 11 AM. I would describe this as "it gets crowded with too many people." Same observation, fewer syllables.

It IS a good beach for body surfing, which I suppose involves physical energy, in the sense that moving your body requires energy. Is that what she means? I genuinely don't know.

Dionis Beach
Sloane says: Sacral Chakra. Water element. "Womb-like energy."

Dotty says: I will not be discussing the wombs.

What I WILL say is that Dionis is calmer than the south shore because it faces the Sound, not the open Atlantic. This is, again, geography. The fetch is shorter. Smaller waves. Good for small children, elderly swimmers, and people who don't like being knocked over.

I've been going to Dionis since I was six years old. My mother took me there because I was scared of waves. It has never once occurred to me to write in a journal about what the ocean is "trying to tell me." The ocean is not trying to tell me anything. It's water. It doesn't have intentions.

But sure, bring a journal if you want. Free country.

Jetties Beach
Sloane says: Cannot read the energy. "Too many people, too many speakers." "Not your shore" if seeking spiritual nourishment.

Dotty says: Finally, something we agree on.

Jetties is chaos. Always has been, always will be. Good for families who want the snack bar and the playground. Bad for anyone who wants peace and quiet. This has nothing to do with "vibrational fields" and everything to do with the fact that it's the most accessible beach on the island with actual amenities.

I haven't been to Jetties in July in fifteen years. By choice. My chakras are not involved in this decision.

Great Point
Sloane says: Crown Chakra. Spirit element. "Most spiritually significant location on the island." Good for "ego dissolution."

Dotty says: Best for getting away from people like Sloane.

Great Point is remote. You need a permit. You need four-wheel drive. You need to know what you're doing or you'll get your rental Jeep stuck in the sand and have to pay a lot of money to get towed out. (I've watched this happen six times. It never stops being satisfying.)

The seals are there. The lighthouse is pretty. It feels like the end of the world, which some people find meaningful and I just find quiet. I don't "dissolve" there. I sit. I look at the water. Sometimes I eat a sandwich. Then I drive home.

Is that spiritual? Maybe. I don't know. I don't assign vocabulary to it.

The Real Guide

Here's how to actually pick a beach:

1. How much do you hate parking? If a lot, go somewhere with a big lot or take the bus.
2. Do you have small children? North shore. Calmer water. Dionis or Children's Beach.
3. Do you want food nearby? Jetties or Surfside.
4. Do you want to be alone? Great Point if you have a Jeep. Madaket if you don't mind the drive. Anywhere after 4 PM when the day-trippers leave.
5. Is it your first time? Just pick one. They're all nice. It's an island. We're surrounded by beach.

Notice how none of these questions involve chakras? That's because chakras don't affect your parking situation.

A Final Thought

Miss Carmichael-Worthington ended her column by recounting how I once asked her why she "couldn't just go to the beach like a normal person." She says she smiled and "held space" for my confusion.

I don't remember smiling back. I do remember that her meditation cushion was blocking half the walkway and I had to step around it with my grocery bags. But I suppose that's just my energy being misaligned, or my chakras being out of whack, or whatever the explanation is for why some of us use walkways for walking.

The beaches are lovely. All of them. Go to whichever one you want. If thinking about vibrations makes you happy, think about vibrations. If thinking about parking makes you happy—and Lord knows it makes ME happy when I find a spot—think about parking.

Just don't block the walkway.

And don't bury things in the sand, even if you're planning to dig them up later. It's weird. People notice. People like me, specifically. And we tell other people. At the Downflake. Over coffee.

You've been warned.